Budgeting

My parents always worried because I am a spender; they are not. To teach me a lesson they insisted I save up for my first horse. The hope was that I'd learn the value of a dollar and at the same time lose interest in horses. Horses are unpredictable, dangerous, and expensive. What they didn't consider is how stubborn I am. Much to their dismay, I got a job at 14 years old working at the stable way too many hours a week. How can you stop me from working? My grades stayed up and I was out of trouble, for once. I had to save up for a truck so I could get to my future horse. I had to work for gas money to get to the stable. Two long years later came Miss Priss.

Some things never change. Sixteen years later I still work hard so Miss Priss can have a good life. Consequently, I have a good life, too. I still spend every extra penny on horses. Only now, I have two aging horses, one young lame horse, and a vocal companion donkey. And I have none I can ride hard. Miss Priss is rideable at a walk for short distances on good footing. Becca may be retrainable after a back injury years ago but is not a very good trail horse because of her frightful nature. And Diesel, who was becoming an impressive and talented mount, is permanently lame due to navicular disease. He is not responding to treatment and will return to the vet in January to collaborate with a farrier who specializes in corrective shoeing.

Caring for 4 equines is as much as my teacher salary can afford. I've considered letting my internet and satellite tv lapse to offset extra medical bills associated with aging and injured horses. I'm left with riding only when a friend has a spare horse. I am blessed to have such a generous friend. I've enjoyed a fun parade ride and a long ride around the fields recently. Annie was a perfectly mannered, steady mount at the lighted Christmas parade. Her sister, Kate, took me out for several hours without incident. I'd like to own a good, solid horse like either of these ladies. For now, I'll settle for an occasional borrowed ride. Even I know when I'm over my head financially. I'm trying...and failing... to save for a barn and arena. This year I've struggled to break even financially. It is frustrating. But I know that I am in very good shape considering many people aren't as well off as I am. The cost of caring for horses has tripled in the last few years. Construction supplies are increasingly expensive. And incomes are lower.

I look out in the pasture at my aging and broken herd and know that I've made the right decision for their retirement. I owe it to all of them to support them after their usefulness is over. I think that as the years progress the number of retired horses in my care will only increase. But, I still crave the chance to once again search for my next horse with hopes that it will be as fine of an animal as Prissy has been. For now, call me the Big Pony Spender.

Diagnosis :'(

Last Friday was vet day. I took everything equine in for their annual. My old ladies were perfect and didn't even need to be floated. I am so grateful for that.


Anabelle did pretty darn good, too. Loading her was an experience. I walked her to the trailer and was about to get her in using leverage when she saw my mom behind her and she forcefully
declined. I caught her again and patiently walked her up to the trailer one step at a time. When she was close enough for me to wrap the lead around the trailer, my mom came behind and convinced her going in was easier. She jumped in and we were ready to go. It took no contact with the lunge whip or ugliness from us at all. It is obvious that she has been rushed into the process before and is unsure it is safe. We unloaded at Dr. Motl's and tied her in the pens
while we worked on the girls. I am very impressed with everyone's behavior considering the MAJOR construction going on a few feet away and ambulance sirens blowing by at the most inappropriate time. They all did great. When it was time to load up, dad led Anabelle up to the trailer. As she got close, she sped up and took a running leap in the trailer. She was ready to go home!


Diesel went to see Dr. Volkmer at Bay City Vet Clinic. I really like him. He's an equine specialist
and is very good at his job. Diesel was sound after flexion tests but showed signs of pain with pressure to the hoof. X-rays confirmed a moderate case of navicular. There are several large cysts on the bone. We are attempting to slow down the disease with Adequan injections and treating the pain with bute. Next time he is shod he will get aluminum shoes with a 3 degree wedge. Dr. Volkmer thinks we can keep him somewhat sound for awhile. Interesting fact: Diesel weighs 1,345 lbs. He's a beast!


This news is devastating. I now have 3 lame horses that need special care. Getting another horse is not possible until I am down to just 1. I hope this is many years from now. Once a horse is mine, it is mine forever. It is the only way to ensure their life is good.


The good that came out of all of this is now we know what causes his intermittent pain. We can help him. And he is a very good patient. This month he gets an injection every 4 days, afterwards,
once a month. I'll try a ride this week since I have time off for the holiday. Every moment counts. Appreciate your time with your loved ones, you never know when it is your last ride. My life is blessed.

Driving Me Crazy

The horse life is full of joy and pain and aggravation. I brought Diesel home from 3 months with the trainer. He is ready to go conquer the world. And the first thing he does is become lame. We thought it was long toes. Or, possibly, a bruised sole. Two weeks later, it has not improved. I will be trying out Bay City Equine Clinic next week. Hopefully, we can solve this problem that has presented itself in the past. I still think he's a big cry baby and it's not quite as bad as he makes it out to be. And, I still think something major is going on. I pray it is not navicular.

I have this fancy, new saddle and no horse to ride. How frustrating? I have this amazingly talented horse who I cannot ride. How frustrating? I have a magnificent older beast that I cannot ride because both of her tendons are damaged. How frustrating? I have a kind, sweet dramatice mare with a bobbley head that I should ride, if not for cold weather. How frustrating?

I have 3 unique and special horses, including one that is the horse-of-a-lifetime. I am blessed to spend many joyful years with 3 perfect horses. I am so lucky. Especially, for every extra day I get with Miss Priss. She is the love of my life. Don't tell Kevin! He might not understand.

Progress Report

I've been on Diesel 15 times in the last 4 weeks. If felt like more but how could it have been with me running off to play every weekend? Diesel concluded one month of basic training and one month of barrel training followed by another month of board so I had access to the arena. I'm almost out of hay and definitely out of cash. So, Diesel came home on Sunday. It is nice to have him close but, oh man, do I miss the arena. The cracks are awful and he tripped nonstop at a walk. I'll be hauling him to town at least once a week to really ride.

Now that he is home, I am slowly transitioning him back on grass. And, he is spending time every day either under saddle or tied to the fence. I can't let the hard work go to waste.

My new saddle came in a week ago. It is fabulous. Good tack is so important.

As for my girls, Priss is fat and sassy, as always. Becca was lunged yesterday and was sound in a canter. This is new and exciting. I'll give her until spring and she will go back to work. I hope her back and shoulder has healed fully after 5 years. The donkey, Anabelle, is a trooper. She does not love getting haltered but once it is on, she is golden. Yesterday, she tied, got clipped, brushed, and got hoof conditioner put on. When I was done, she hung out for more lovin'.

I can't wait to keep riding and training. It is so good to be back in business! My life is blessed.

Can't Stop Time

Summer vacation speeds to an end. It was a very exciting one, indeed. My crew grew to include a sweet beast who learns quickly and has the most adorable ears. I kiss them every day. My dog, Scruffy, has learned to go outside with me and not run off. We are up to 3 or 4 minute excursions and he responds when I call him. If you don't know Scruff, this is a huge improvement. I long for a dog that can accompany me outside without fear that he'll run off and get shot for killing chickens. Scruffy has such separation anxiety that I can't even take Gretch out with me. She misses the good ole days, too. Of course, they are wonderful playmates and are completely inseparable. I just miss my farm dog turned house dog. It has only taken 4 years to make this small step toward doggie freedom.

The biggest event of the summer must be my horse related improvements. I sold my junker trailer to be rebuilt and replaced it with a well-used, roomy stock trailer in good condition. We have freedom! Just in time for Diesel to come around. He is doing fantastic with his barrel training. Our rides are becoming easy and he is being exposed to the real world. Last week he went to the local rodeo arena along with about a dozen horses and got to experience a little chaos. He did fantastic. The trainer loves him...and so do I! There is no chance I'll sell him. He is stunning and talented and has personality in spades. He will never replace Miss Priss as my once-in-a-lifetime horse. But he may come close!

Somehow in the last week I went from helping out at the local rodeo to the new CCYRA secretary. I hope to do the job justice and have a little fun. Horses and kids...what could be better?

Monday marks the first school day of the year. Teachers get to go back and hear the same ole rules and guidelines and set up our rooms. This year I have to completely set up my room from scratch since I had to move everything out for construction. Joy. I do look forward to meeting the next set of kids and the excitement of a new year.

This summer has been fun and I am sorry to see it end. But you can't stop time. And who would want to?

Sweet Things

ANABELLE

Anabelle is a wonderful animal. She is willing and kind and uber-friendly! In the month she's been here she has learned to accept my touch anywhere on her body, pick up all four feet, accept a halter, and tentatively lead/tie.

The girls have accepted her into the herd and she lays on the ground right now enjoying the ritual morning nap. Even the neighbor horse came to the fence to share in the siesta.

With comfort came her voice. She squeaks to me every time she sees me. And if I take too long feeding, the braying starts! Occasionally she brays when the neighbor goes to work. Bet they looooooove that!

I never thought I'd be so attached to a pet "horse". She's the best! Everyone should have one. She is the perfect companion to Becca and to me.

DIESEL

In other news, Diesel has had 5 weeks of training with me riding him one day a week instead of the trainer. We have both come a long way. He has learned to give to pressure and improved his stop. He has just this week begun barrel training. He'll continue with the trainer for at least one month. I'm very excited about the next two days. The local Youth Rodeo is Saturday and the trainer is taking a load of horses to the county arena to practice. Diesel gets to go along for a little exposure. We'll see how it goes today and I may get to ride him tomorrow. I expect him to be excitable but not dangerous. However, I do not want to hurt my new confidence.

Our last ride was perfect. I mean PERFECT! We did arena work and then went out down the turn rows. The ride before that was great except for the buck! Silly horse saw the pig sitting still in a mud puddle out of the corner of his eye and blew up. He'd had 4 days off while we were out of town and for a moment felt it. Otherwise, the ride was solid. I rode it just fine and it actually boosted my confidence to know it was no big deal. Go figure.

MISS PRISS

Last night I rode Prissy around the pasture at a walk in a halter with her legs wrapped up in polos for support. It is a precious thing to be able to ride her. One of my biggest regrets is not making more time to ride. We only have so much time with our horses. Don't take it for granted. Especially if you know you have the horse of a lifetime sitting in your pasture.

BECCA

I wonder if I am doing Bec an injustice. She seems happy and is moderately healthy. I manage her insulin resistance with restricted grass and a special feed low in carbs designed specifically for her disorder. Her back and shoulder is sore and is uncomfortable during hard exercise as a result of the injury a few years back. She is pasture sound and I do not mind caring for her forever. My concern is that the pain is actually gone and she has learned how to be lazy. Should I push her and attempt to return her to riding? Exercise would be good for her. I know I should have a vet evaluate her. It should be an equine specialist and there is not one nearby. Or should I have the trainer test ride her? Becca routinely runs around the pasture when left alone with no ill effects. Does the saddle pinch and cause pain or is she manipulating? Will a better saddle pad relieve her discomfort? Bec is 18 years old with very little ride time in the last 5 years. She is rusty at best. However, 6 years ago she was a dream to ride, by far my most talented horse. She comes with separation issues and a lack of confidence from a life of only arena work. I now have a trailer and access to an arena. What to do????

Sweetest Donk Ever!!!!

Anabelle is a joy to have around. She is very guarded in everything she does. She hesitates before drinking water and before allowing me to touch her. But, in just under two weeks she has gone from allowing a tentative face rub to letting me rub all down her back to her hip and under her belly. I still have to go slow. This morning she let me pick up both front feet and move her foot around.

We have a long way to go. I need her to accept a halter and fly spray. And, eventually she needs her hooves trimmed. I'm so proud of how far she has come. The girls tolerate her but are not fond of her. I'm sure time will change that. I am most excited that she squeaks to me when she sees me and follows me around everywhere. Plus, she does not bray and bother the neighbors.

In other news, Diesel is doing well with the trainer. I'm tickled that she likes him so much. But, what is not to like? He's cute and smart and quite the character. Earlier this week she caught him in his run playing with a pool noodle.

On Monday, I spent the day trying out saddles. I ordered a Tod Slone barrel saddle. It will have a patchwork suede seat in a variety of colors, rawhide cantle and horn, silver dots lining all edges, a simple arrow basketweave with floral pattern, and my name on the binder. I could not be more excited. This is gonna be a long 3-5 months of anticipation.

Everyone is excited!

My old lady can still move. She's excited about the newest member of our family. I'm not so sure that she likes it, yet. Making friends takes time.

Even the neighbor horse came over to greet our newcomer.

This is Anabelle. She is incredibly sweet and laid back. For now, she is being treated like the odd man out. I hope this passes quickly. My horses were completely terrified of her when they first saw her. She is patiently grazing and waiting for them to accept her.

This is my new trailer. It is 20' so it is big enough for everyone to travel. It is really nice to have the freedom to haul the horses when I want to. It's been too long.

Progress

Finally got my first lesson on Diesel. To prepare, I rode him in my western trail saddle the day before. This saddle does not work for us. So, I am again saddle shopping. The expenses never end!!!

After having a few days off of training, Diesel was a turd. He was a lookey-loo and never did pay attention to me. Lucky for us, he got a real lesson the morning of my lesson before I rode him in the evening. The trainer worked wonders on him. With the help of a better bit, martingale, and alot of sweat he got the message. Our lesson was short and sweet and VERY successful.

I know better than to put myself (a now timid and out of practice rider) with a green horse. I am very excited that we now have loads of hope, with the help of a professional. We do have a long way to go. This is my evaluation, not the trainer's. But I know she is thinking it, too.

Today, I should be getting a delivery. My trailer is getting delivered with a special surprise. I will have to face disapproval from my family and probably some annoyance from my neighbors. I am getting a 3 year old jenny as a 2-for-1 with the trailer. She, like most donkeys, is very vocal. And she is another mouth to feed. She will be a companion to Becca who must be removed from the grass now that it is growing. I cannot afford to take Priss off of grass for her sake and Bec goes ballistic when alone. Donkeys do fine without grain on good pasture and are very hardy. There is less hoof care and they are great guard-dogs. And, of course, they are adorable :) It is ridiculous that I have to justify myself to my family at this point in my life but it is a fact of my life. It will not be pretty. Right now, I am to the point that I don't think I can win with my family. I'm too old to be rebellious. But I am. It's getting old. Regardless, I have many blessings.

Relaxed

And I don't mean me! Diesel has been worked pretty hard and is doing great! He has calmed down alot.

My first lesson on him had to be rescheduled due to the rain. And I am very grateful for that. He is showing progress with softening up and has yet to act up...even when pushed. I can't wait to get on him this Sunday.

And in other news...I just bought a trailer. It is a used 20' stock trailer that is in good condition. It is not very tall but Kevin assures me it will be no trouble to cut the top off and add a foot. I can't believe he volunteered for this job. He must love me! My life is blessed.

Ahhhhh....

After spending an hour grooming and loving on Diesel I am feeling nice and relaxed. He is such a neat horse.

After spending 3 days in training, Diesel was relaxed. Hard work is good for the soul. Lol.

New Plan

After researching and researching....and researching some more, I have decided to hold off on the trailer. If only money were no object... I only have a 2 or 3 more years left in my truck. I hate to invest so much in new tires, gooseneck hitch, wiring, and helper springs. A new truck and trailer will cost me ~$45,000. I'd love to find used ones in great condition. This requires patience! With all of the expense of a new house, barn, land, and fences I cannot responsibly buy a trailer now. I say this but it is all relative. I do not believe in debt. The only acceptable debt for me is mortgage and one vehicle and both should have a decent amount put down. There is alot of my dad-the-accountant in me!

The new plan: Get Diesel going good this month with Jennifer and board him there afterwards. That way I do not need a trailer to take lessons on him. I hope to ride regularly and get one or two lessons a month to keep improving. Eventually, I'd like to try competing in something, possibly barrels. We'll see what he is best suited for.

I have to take him places and ride ALOT if he is going to be my next Miss Priss. Of course, there will never be another. I just want to have a trustworthy and finished horse. And he is such a nice horse, very well conformed.

In the meantime, I am up for extra hours at work. They start on Tuesday and go until the summer testing is over, about a month. I will work only mornings and will be in town so I can see my Bub when I am done. Sounds like a plan to me!

I can't wait for my lesson tonight. For now, I better get back to work around the house. My life is blessed.

Good Article

Observations of the Dead Horse Guy
www.omega-farms.com/dhg.html

The article contains suggestions made by a man who runs a large animal burial service. Who better to document how horses lives end and what to do to prevent it?

Misconception

I am very excited about actively riding again. And, of course, I frequent Facebook. Since reporting my recent lesson and plans to send Diesel to the trainer, I've had lots of feedback. Almost everyone has said with disdain, "Why? You don't need lessons. You know how to ride. Train him yourself.". Everyone who has ever ridden a couple of times as a kid is an expert. This banter immediately tells me who has no real understanding of how horses work. And it tells me how few real horse people are in my life. Both realizations make me sad.

The best athletes still have a coach. World record holders still train with others. Why should it be any different with horses? I find that the more years I have horses, the more I don't know. I got my first horse 18 years ago and began before that with lessons that continued for years. But, I have not worked with a trainer in 14 years. I'd say it's about time.

I am looking for someone to critique my riding and see what I don't see. I want to be a better rider. I am not at all athletic. You can't tell me I don't need a coach. Not to mention it is fun. And, I need to get my confidence back. Plus, my Diesel is alot of horse with little experience and alot of potential. I want to do right with him. There are lots of reasons why I should spend the money and do this.

Diesel goes to C/J Performance Horses this evening. I do not feel bad about this decision. I think it is worth every penny.

Busy Times!

My lesson was a blast. I rode the old babysitter...who is 11. That says alot about the place. All horses were in great shape and very well mannered. It was great to ride a perfectly solid horse. We did basics and trotted a barrel pattern.

After obsessing over my options, I have decided to send Diesel off for training. The sooner, the better. And it is time to invest in a horse trailer. So, after a week of research and searching I have made my final decision. I'm ordering a stock trailer from Far West in Hallettsville. It will break the bank but should last a lifetime. That means no tack room but should be no problemo since I will not be going long distance very often, if ever.

The times they are a-changing. I hope to rekindle my riding routine. Wish us luck!

Update

Sadly, my fish, Oscar, continued to go down hill and had to be put down. There is no doubt it was time. School is now over and all fish have been rehomed or temporarily moved due to the construction at school. I now have a flying fish living in my home. It is such a neat creature. Toadie, the toadfish, is living in another room at school and being cared for by a wonderful lady who definitely deserves a treat. I'm thinking pedicure.

The girls are doing great. Priss is happy being a horse without any worries or work. It is time to walk her around the pasture again. My farrier is considering removing her wedge pads next time to transition her back to barefoot. We are a year and a half from her tendon injuries. She trots in for dinner every night.

Becca is very near being locked up for the year. Our drought has allowed her to stay out to pasture for much longer. She is a bit porky right now. Guess that makes us OneChunkyMonkey.

Diesel is a turd. He is impatient and has begun throwing tantrums. Therefore, we have spent all of this week working on that. He is not impressed. Nor am I. Today, he was very good for a bath and sheath cleaning (yuck!).

The biggest news...I am leaving to go to a riding lesson in an hour. It will be my first in about 15 years. I'd say it's time. I am riding the instructors horse and getting a feel for her establishment. I am hoping to send Diesel for training later on. Or get my confidence up enough not to need to. We'll see. Regardless, I am excited about getting out there with other experienced horse people. It's been too long.

My life is blessed.

Perspective

Today did not quite go as planned. There was good news and bad news and a wee bit too much other stress. By the end of the day I was physically and emotionally exhausted. The bad news comes in the form of others trials. It kills me that people I care about are going through such a horrible experience. I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose a parent as a young adult but I do know that losing someone close is devastating. A parent has to be so much more painful.

The good news is my fish is showing improvement. She is swimming today, be it slowly and carefully. I know...you must be thinking "a fish?...silly girl". This is a very old, very smart, very special fish. I hope that she is just feeling off because it is just about egg laying time. We'll see. Oscar watches me teach all day long and always is excited to see me. It's nice to have an easy buddy in my chaotic workplace.

So instead of buying groceries today I came home and clipped all 3 horses and washed and scrubbed legs. And to finish off my evening I walked Prissy around the pasture once. This is our fourth ride back. She is still chomping at the bit (in her halter, haha!) and enjoying the ride. Each ride has taken on such importance. I can't help but think it may be the last one. And instead of worrying I just appreciate it. The feeling is wonderful.

This evening has put my mood back where it needs to be and given me the perspective I need. Appreciate the ones you love. You never know when they will be gone. My prayers go out to the Thwaites. Watching a loved one slip away and making the toughest of decisions requires such strength. My life is blessed.

Lessons from Prissy

My horse is special- as in speeeeshul. She's cranky and hot and she grunts and growls. To a stranger she might appear to be difficult. I like to think of it as character.

After 16 years obsessing over her every want and need I think I know her pretty darn well. The hot-ness is just her loving the ride and wanting to go. NOW. The grunts are in pleasure. The growls only happen when she is not ready to stop. Yet, she does, begrudgingly. Good girl.


Today I rode her around the pasture once again. She rode like a master...in a halter...did I mention she is the greatest horse in the world? Yep. She is dead broke but has get up and go that can't go. She is definitely just a walkable horse because of her physical limitations.

When we returned to the barn she tried to break into a trot. She slowed as I insisted with a slight tug to the lead rope and I walked her around the paddock a few times to reassert our need to be calm. She cooperated with a series of growls, of course. I dismounted and she stood quietly for me to remove her polos and halter.

And that was the end of my control! She ran off with a squeal of joy as I rolled my eyes at her. Today's lesson from the beast: You're only as old as you feel. And she feels 5, not almost 25.

My life is blessed.

Greatest Moments

There are a few moments in my life that I know are milestones in the moment they are happening. Yesterday, I had one unforgettable experience. I wrapped up Prissy's legs, put a halter on her, and rode her around the pasture once. It felt like magic. She is the horse of a lifetime. She carried me around like we do it every day. I did not feel nervous. She felt solid. And I will admit I cried tears of joy the entire time. Why?

It has been 19 months since I've been on her. And I never thought I'd get to do it again. She moved well and did not feel like she was unsteady. I think I can do this again! Never take anything for granted. My life is blessed.

Greening up

The grass is just beginning to green up. Mostly, it is in my yard. So.....Miss Priss is in my yard. My girl gets whatever she wants (mostly :). What she needs is green grass to fatten her up after a long, cold winter. Next winter she will go on Senior feed. She turns 25 in May. That marks 16 years together. She's still a hot potato but now she's a naggish hot potato. More growl but the spunk is just under the surface. I can't wait for the wind to die down just a bit. This week I will wrap up those legs and ride around the yard. I can't wait. My life is blessed.

Peter

Peter is my little friend. He comes hopping at the first sign of horse work. Nothing attracts him faster than the sound of the hose being pulled across the parking lot to Prissy's day pasture. If I don't stop everything and feed him, he'll stomp his feet and act mad...and then chew on the hose. That works every time. Today, I threw out a handful of feed and just hunkered down. The rabbit came within 4 feet of me to eat. He was very wary but is too much of a glutton to run away. I'd be worried if he was "friendly" with anyone else. But, his instinct is intact with everyone else. What a neat experience!

Diesel has been good to me this week. I rode him Saturday for an hour. We walk-trotted up front and in the pasture. He gave me get up and go and slow when I asked for it. We both had a great time. He was solid and confident. The weather could not have been more perfect.

Today I rode for about 40 minutes. I tried my old, small saddle. I forgot how hard it is. It fits him better in his shoulders but I don't like how low the gullet sits. I'll stick to my big-butt-mushy close contact saddle. Today he got a bit pissy while trotting. I'm still not sure where his attitude comes from. He's so moody and lazy. We had a decent, short ride. The sun called it short. I could still use a few more hours of daylight.

I did not feel any anxiety today except for with his stomping head toss. Even that passed quickly. It feels great to be riding again.

My life is blessed.

Sunshine

It's not hard to let the sunshine in. With our first day of bright, warm weather I spent the day outside doing things that got postponed during our lengthy cold snap. (I moved to South Texas for a reason! Not my cup of tea.)

It was unofficially named Pedicure Day. Me first! Then horses and dogs. Afterwards, I worked out in the yard. It was so nice to leave the house. Of course, I didn't ride because Diesel is always a bit tender after a trim, no fault to my wonderful farrier.

I have happy news to report. I have successfully maintained my weight for over a month now. Final stats: size 6, 133 lbs, 54 lb loss. This is my 21 year old size (not quite the same shape...lol). I feel great. I have energy and I sleep through the night. And I LOOK great. Always nice.

Now for the biggest news. The farrier gave me the go ahead to ride Priss. Conditions: warm day, walk on level ground, legs wrapped. He is not a vet but has a lifetime of experience and I trust him. I have video of Prissy running around the pasture I am going to take to the vet. I can't wait to show her off. My girl is back. I will still get Doc's opinion before riding but I am thrilled that I may be able to sit on my girl again. It means so much. Who would have thought she'd live to ride again? My life is blessed.