My fear has been simmering for several years now...5, actually. I love riding but have lost my nerve. This is not good with one rideable horse who has very little training. So far I haven't messed him up too much. I really do need to send him and myself off for training this spring.
In the meantime, I am working on my own chunky monkey-ness. I am officially down 30 pounds this morning. It is fun and exciting and I hope that I am strong enough to maintain the loss. I do feel much better now that I'm eating healthy. This is alot of incentive. And my saddles are much more comfy! Clothes shopping was actually fun last week. I am not completely done losing so I only bought one pair of jeans and one shirt. I will stop losing when I am happy with my shape. I think that will be about 15 pounds more. If only the good parts didn't shrink along with the rest of me :) Oh well.
I've reevaluated my personal relationships recently. Not that there was anything serious. But I am streamlining the not serious ones. With it comes a sense of loss and accomplishment. I'm proud of myself. I only miss the man I wished he was. Again, I hope I am strong enough to maintain. I feel very good about it.
So, yesterday after some strong words were said out loud I rode Diesel. With the frustration I pushed my limits. I rode him out in the big pasture again...all the way around. He was good. He picked his head up and listened for anything to send him into a frenzy...but he didn't. I need this horse to get my exercise. I need this horse for my sanity. Riding out is a big deal for me. It shouldn't be but it is. My life is blessed.
